Without knowing.

There’s many things in life that you can never look forward to but it’s the only good thing that you are able to do. Will you walk away or will you carry on?

I have many complains even though it was only Wednesday since I last updated. The best thing is, the complains are only from Friday! Wow.

So here we go:

1. Arrogance never make a person real.

It’s so super disappointing to see the people you tried very hard to groom to be a leader becoming someone so super arrogant just because of a rank. It’s not a matter of respect. Being a senior, you should receive as much respect as you should no matter what rank you hold. If they are looking down on you, it’s not because of your rank but it’s because of the way you carry yourself in front of the others.

2. What is a service without any thanks?

All you do is complain. Whatever happened to the thanks that you owe us so so much? You complain, you insult but you don’t even know what we are suppose to do, what we have do and what we have been doing. It’s irritating to repeat myself again and again. It’s funny how you scold us for shouting at the juniors. It’s funny how you complain when don’t do any screaming. Interesting. People just want to make our lives difficult and they think it’s funny.

Fuck you.

3. You complain!

While doing so many homework and ironing uniform last night, I complained and I nonsense-ed with who else but Kak Shidah! LOL. You know, sometimes life is very super irritating that all that you want is a break! OMFG. I need a break! March holidays will certainly not be like the previous ones. It’s going to be either 100% work and 0% play or 90% work and 10% play. I seriously and certainly will pick the second one.

No doubt, who wouldn’t?

***

I want to throw everything in the book shelves ASAP. It’s kind of interesting. Throwing off something that you practically worship when you were so in need of the books for knowledge. But seriously, I want a new, improve and very nicely revamped room. Nothing less thank you. (:

I want to sleep but at the same time I want to study. Caffeine doesn’t help. How interesting since it helped a lot of others in keeping awake. I guess I’m really special. Hehe.

Bed time and it’s a wrap!

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Stupidity kills. Some times.

Aishah and I was randomly walking and reading things and we saw something super AWW!

You are very welcome Haziq. (:

***

How dusty is the blog? Well, it is too dusty till even my pet in Pet’s Society had 2 flies all over her. Okeh rubbish.

This week is not good at all. ): Stupid mood swings and all. ):

Anyway, Ms Gomez said I did well on Monday. Hehe. *Blush*

What happened on Monday? TIC won and got through to semi for Debates 2009.

Good or bad? I leave it to me, myself and I punyer brain to decide.

Anyway, been sleeping rather late and waking up early. Then sometimes, sleep early and wake up late. Weird or what?

Talk about sleeping, I’m super sleepy. I have been trying my very best to keep wide awake because I really do want to study like mad every single day.

I seriously cannot believe that O level is practically less than 8 months away! Great or what?

And I cannot believe it too that POP is 2 months and/or 4 months away. Interesting huh?

I want to Taboo with Kelvin, Wei Sing and Hazel again! Although in the first place, we suck at it terribly. Hehe.

***

I cannot take it anymore when people accuse me of something that I didn’t do. That I didn’t feel. Fcuk, why must it always be this way?

Unlit the burning flame.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

What’s up? And down.

Happy Belated Birthday!

Hoping all the curries that you had yesterday will remind you of us. Forever. All the best!

So what has been happening?

1. My phone almost dropped inside the toilet bowl while changing.

2. My wallet dropped inside the toilet bowl while changing.

Not funny okeh. It felt as though I threw away a million dollars bill inside the main rubbish chute.

3. I passed EMaths.

But not of my satisfaction since the paper was the easiest I’ve ever sat for.

4. I screwed up AMaths paper.

But I was really so calm during the paper. And I’m worried about that.

5. I passed Chemistry.

Which resulted in me passing my Combined Science CA1! YEY me! Okeh, this will be the second time I’m passing. Hehe. (:

6. I was so worried about Biology paper, I kept quiet throughout Biology period.

7. I really did screwed up my Biology paper.

I seriously felt that I could pass Biology for the second time, including last year’s, but nope. I practically screwed up my paper because my answers seems to differ from many others’.

8. My boots’ heel is officially able to turn 90 degrees East and West. I NEED COBBLER!

9. Class celebrated the Mr Rumi, Felicia and mine belated/ontime birthday with a brownie cake.

10. Mdm Jas gave me an inspirational bookmark and a peg with my name on it.

11. I dread debates 2009.

I shan’t elaborate. Because it’s time for readers to start learning inference skills.

12. I got so pissed with someone.

He is suppose to be helping me with Biology. But he isn’t able to help himself. So what if he was an A1 Biology student? It doesn’t mean he can do his work in class instead of home. Who the heck does he thinks he is?

13. Going for the MTPS later.

Without them of course. Since when?

14. Had a quick catching up with someone.

***

1. I miss Kak Shidah.

2. I miss my relatives.

3. I miss 2e1.

4. I hate her because she thinks that I aim to win and only win. Look who’s talking about winning all the time. Fcuk you women, will you make up your mind? It’s not about losing face because we might not be able to get to the finals. It’s about how I can cope with my studies. Hey, my results are not consistent. I can’t even sustain an A1 for Malay, what more the other subjects.

5. I hate sitting next to I. Because he keeps looking down on me as if I don’t even deserve the position in the class of 4e4. I mean come on, he doesn’t even deserve to have that sit in the class too. Giving up, insulting teachers, insulting friends. Insulting me. Who do you think you are? Mr World?

And therefore, I can conclude that I have experienced quite a number of things for just and only one week. Amazing.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

The only reason.

Although it’s belated. (:

When I say my friends are the sweetest people that you can ever have, I mean it.

There are suppose to be more than a million reason why I should love home. I’m suppose to look forward to a place that I can just forget all the troubles.

The two soulful eyes that I see. The pair of eyes that I love. The only reason I look forward to home. (:

They represent the care and the concern I get from all my beloved friends. The only group of people I can feel relax and happy. I might be feeling all blue and sad deep inside, but when I stare into those eyes, it made me feel better. It made me feel cared for. It made me smile again.

Cause that is the only reason why I love the place called, home.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

What has happened.

There are many reasons that I have been busy to even get in touch with my inner self.

Someone once told me that Secondary 3 life is the most slacking year. Oh God, how right could it be?

I’m terribly struggling through my 16-years old. I wonder why they called it sweet 16 when being a 16 years old isn’t sweet at all (though I sweetest).

Let us get this right. Since this is my personal blog and I am terribly terribly challenged and so pissed off with quite many things, then I warn you that I will be straight to the point in telling things.

And I’m serious about it.

1. I failed Physics.

Oh yes, again. I went in to the room understanding everything, knowing the formulas and shits. But once I flipped open the paper, my brain suddenly flip too. I can’t understand why every one of my friends can fail well and do well and I can’t. I can’t even fail well or better, what more a pass. I really don’t want to let Dad sign the paper. ):

2. I failed Biology.

Yes, thanks. I’m so sad lah! People can actually pass and I can’t. Biology, not even a chance to talk fail better because the teacher doesn’t believe so. Nabila has passed it, and I’m still failing like nobody’s business. Dad signed the paper, without saying anything. Although it looks so freaking obvious that they are all disappointed in me.

3. I screwed up History.

- I didn’t finish the paper, was at the very last evidence for the very last questions.
- I gave rubbish inference because the inference picture was fcuking difficult.

4. I screwed up Chemistry.

This one is the saddest situation that I’m facing. I memorised every single thing that I could for Periodic Table. I was so sure that I will surely pass for the third time in my life studying Chemistry. But what happened?

I went in with full confidence and only to find my confidence all drained out of my body. Don’t ask me what happened because I don’t know about it myself. What the fcuk is wrong with me?

5. Debates coming up.

I hate to say this but I can never survive my studies if I have to put in debates in my busy schedule. And what is the use? I will be sitting there like a lamp post between the many of you and it’s not as if my presence makes a different.

I just want out of debates. Why not get someone that will not or have not done anything I have written above? At the very least they can never screw up their results and making parents come down. I wouldn’t and don’t want that to happen again. I have had enough of insults and complains.

6. $4k. Lets discuss.

I don’t know how I am going to survive but I hope they’ll never get me involve. I’m just so tired of everything like for example solving my own problems called “Project Forget.”

Yes, it’s not a small sum. Yes, he showed you that he is useless. The only reason why we are doing this is to get your attention. What the heck is so difficult?

7. I feel useless.

Now use your History/Social Studies skills to infer from above.

Should all acquaintance be forgot.

 

Sweet Love

Toodles.

16th (:

Before I continue with my hectic assignments, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to a whole lot of people for making my day so wonderful today. (:

Thank you:

Farah, Kak Shidah, Nabila, Aishah and Shi Hui for the after midnight SMS-es. Sorry I didn’t reply on time cause I practically was snoring away to welcome in my birthday. Hehe. (:

Reyhana for the the 61 birthday wishes! GWS too. (:

Hidayah, Aishah, Haziq, Nabila, Alif, Farah, Shi Hui, Nabil, Wesley and Aziz for making a whole lots of noises at the quadrangle with your wishes.

Happy birthday you old bastard! – Nabil.

4e4 with Mdm Jas for singing me a birthday song with Neneks and Nasirah mixed.

Issac and Felicia for ‘booking’ a place at the old folks home for me. Ehem, though I don’t really need it, at all! (:

4e4 and Fiasco for the written wishes on the whiteboard. Although you put the word ‘OLD’ in Chinese in front if my name. (:

Fiasco and Sham for the tak-menjadi bash! HAHA. I’ll never forget that part. (:

Felicia, Aiin and Syazwana for the glam presents. HAHA. Although Felicia’s gift wasn’t really glam. (:

Farah and Aishah for being the most bastard people on my birthday! You bimbo and slut! (:

Nabila and Farah for spreading that oh-so-creamy cake on me till I went home smelling of coffee and whatever else that was in the cake. (:

My escorter, Firdaus, who didn’t help at all in protecting me from the creams of the cake.

Alif, Aishah, Kelvin, Jeremy, Faris, Firdaus, Naufal, Farah, Nabila, Aziz, Nabil and Wesley for the wonderful time out of school. For the presents that was so utter sweet and cute and awesome! For making me smile truly for the first time this week. For making my birthday ever so memorable (like me)

Shi Hui, you may not be there but you had a part to play. Thank you still. (:

Fiasco and Shabnam for the SMS after 7pm. (:

Hazirah and Amirah for the wishes in school. (:

Thank you all of the people who had wished me, either through SMS or verbally or sign language-ly.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO ALL 5th FEBRUARY BABIES. (:

Thank you all for making my day! Love you lots!

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Gonna move on.

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY OLD NENEK!

May all your wishes come true Old Nenek! All the best for your Ns and make sure you make it to Sec 5 or I’ll smack you! (:

Tell me don’t lie.

HAPPY BELATED 16TH BIRTHDAY FIASCO!

Due to my anger yesterday, I have honestly forgotten to post the above. Nevertheless, may all your wishes come true and all the best for Os! (: Thank you for everything Fiasco.

So how was today? I have no idea why but I felt freaking tired and was in difficulty to walk. Unlike others who have aches on their thighs and/or abdomen, unluckily for me, my left ankle hurts like shit. Whatever it is, I improved like mad dog okeh!

Thus, I am now squeezing in revising Physics, doing English and AMaths homework.

So tell me, to drop or not to drop? I think not.

Lets use the weekends to think. AGAIN.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Our sweat and tears.

I officially bear a grudge against a certain committee for screwing up all our marks and positions. We worked so hard. We did so much. And you totally screw up your calculations. Losing our things. WOW. And you wanted us to show how good we are as a leader during the courses.

It hurts us so badly. You didn’t tell us our position while you told other CCA. What the hell is wrong with you? We have the right to know first because we are the ones who are working for the Corp and not the other CCA. Especially when that CCA is the one who has been insulting and being so unfriendly towards us.

Fuck you people for being such screw ups. Fuck you people for being so careless.

And I’m telling those people who will laugh at us in advance that I will kick your ass upside down and make you go for a bungee jumping without the cord.

So pissed.

But I know that if our heart believes in something, it will happen. You 9 are the gold in my life. (:

Lies.

We were two ten,
Now we are one.
<3

The only reason why I always break my promises is because you never really taught me how to, since you are always breaking yours too.

***

School has been really really stressful and filled with too many works. Difficult works to be exact. Been sleeping at either 1am or 2am nowadays, trying to keep up with schedules and datelines.

Ended up sleeping the whole night yesterday and resulted in me not being able to complete my AMaths online assignment. ): I’m so dead meat lah! But I did sent Mr Lim an apology mail and explaining everything. Hope he accepted it because I seriously am very busy with too many work.

Oh well, what is done is done. I can’t change the fact that I am sweetest. I can’t change the fact that I didn’t complete my online assignment. But hey, I do log in to ACE learning for help with Mathematics but really, online teaching sucks!

Anyway, I can’t believe I actually am awake from 6 onwards! I mean, come on, IT’S SATURDAY!

I realised that I have not been using vulgarities that much in my posts nowadays. Changing huh?

Well, I guess I can always start it again. Hehe.

I want to bowl again. *Coughcough*

Interview in exactly one week time! Walao, it’s getting scarier. ): But I know we can do it! The confidence lies in commanding. Hehe.

As you might have guessed, I’m lacking of things to update. My life is getting dull.

I want to change phone lah!

Okeh, that was random.

I’m getting older, but wait, there are 2 more asses out there getting older before me! I”M NOT OLD!

TGIF yesterday sucked like &*^%^**%%&. Thanks for coming down, didn’t appreciate it.

January 2009 is ending soon. Oh GOD! O is getting nearer. POP is getting nearer. Graduation is getting nearer. WTF.

You know you love me, Gossip Girl~
XOXO~

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Decision.

I hate to make every single decisions in life. Any wrong steps and I’m going the wrong way. The correct steps will make me get so challenged that I regretted my actions.

I’m just so filled up with lots of decision making to do, I don’t or won’t even know if I did the correct decision or not.

I’m pissed at a whole lot of people yesterday. Pfft.

Bowl people bowl!

We had fun today because I was there. (:

Despite all the hard and rough days I have been having, I finally get to go out and enjoy myself finally. (:

So I was being one champion and bowling queen today. Note, queen and not king. Practically because Fauzi was won me by one mark at the last round. Abeh action.

Firstly, we made a lot of noises at KFC then trained to Yishun Int and walked to the SAFRA. After a very hard yet fun first round, we decided to play second round. And it costs us a hole in the pocket. Such a big bomb I tell you. But I still did enjoy myself. Promise to pay full next time round, in fact a little more to cover current loss. I’m broke like mad. I’m sorry.

*Innocent Face*

2nd round.

Now stare at mine. I' improved okeh! Which is good. Maybe one day, I might just be a National team player. (: Don’t laugh don’t laugh.

*SINGS*

It’s possible. (:

Alright, now look at how the 7 professional bowls. (:

Professional bowler I tell you!

This ass tried to hit my score but failed. Muahaha!

This ass tried to curse my ball. But hey, I have professional fingers you know!

The yellow ass tried to hit my score like the first one but he failed by a few. Hehe.

The red one was new so I gave her chance, but I was still second. Hehe.

This one? She went around staring at people’s skills. Tsktsk.

After being broke for 2 games, we headed to Nabila’s crib to get cracking on our homework. Thankfully, I escaped the family’s gathering. Hehe.

We were practically so serious in our work. How do we know? Because that guy up there, whom I have never seen angry or sad or serious, was so fucking serious.

“Wow. I’ve never been this serious.” – Nabil.

Explains everything right?

We watched and laughed at The Ring 2. Haha. Damn bastards.

Had a very long walk from Nabila’s back to home. Guess what I saw?

There were two black figures standing right at the passageway that I wanted to walk. I so fucking scared to the maximum.

 

 

 

 

Only to find out it was two mak cik pakai mini telekong.

Damn nabeh.

Thus, I shall continue with homework and watch Gossip Girl. Hehe.

School tomorrow is such a scare. ):

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Thinking.

Just a little time.

If there's one thing I learnt today, it would be patience. I was so God damn pissed off when I got disconnected about a gazillion times today. But then I thought, what’s the use? It won’t help me get my Internet connected. (:

If there’s one thing that I would love to do during my course of living, I want to get a life. Though it’s filled with problems, that is the only reason why we’re given brains. To think of the good and the bad.

If there’s one thing that I would love to do right now, I would love to watch to Gossip Girl.

So now that you’ve guessed it, I want to watch Gossip Girl, like finally.

I hope I can escape tomorrow’s visit to Grandmother’s. Do you know how frustrating to sit around my cousins who are University graduates and University undergraduates? I’d rather be at Mak Long’s tomorrow spending my hours studying EMaths with Kak Diana.

Oh GASP. 3 months till Kak Diana gets married. ): People are always getting married on every important year of mine. I know I’m too lovable. (:

I’ll be okeh.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

End it all.

I think I need some time away from everything in life to do some thinking.

Or maybe just end it all.

Life is a bitch.

I thought for once, it could last for a longer period.

You thought that I would be happier at home. Why is everybody saying that I should be happier at home?

I have no one to complain to. I have no one to share my woes. Cause nobody seems to care anymore. Nobody will be able to carry my troubles with me, but at the very least, they could share. they could ask.

Why are you always comparing? Expecting so much more of me?

Why can’t you just listen to me and stop telling me things that I can’t carry anymore? You think by stressing me out, you’d get me somewhere? Well I’m telling you, I can never work under pressure. More pressure, lesser work done. Why can’t you just give me some time to think? Why can’t you just accept me for what I already am?

Why can’t I be smarter? How stupid can I get? I can’t even get simple sums right when my friends could. I can’t even get a pass for AMaths and Biology when my friends could. Just what the hell is wrong with me?

Shit ass you.

Just leave me alone.

I want a hug. ):

Well well well. (:

Today was certainly very fun. I had lots of laugh despite being disturb gazillion times. Haha.

Went back to class after some funny moments with Hidayah and Fauzi. Did read and reflect like always then we started our customised activity!

Helped out the lantern-making group. Hehe. (: The other half of the class was making the card.

Then while waiting for the main product of the lantern, I hung 11 of these string stuff at my fingers and was dancing around. Bored you know! Well at the very least, I didn’t hung it at my ears like some people.

“I feel pretty.”

Went off for concert at around 11. Was laughing like mad but I enjoyed myself! Hehe. Was busy laughing with people at people. Nice right? Hehe.

But I nicest.

Training was so irritating. I mean like seriously, in 3 months time! It’s a freaking short time!

No wonder many of us felt like we didn’t want to come down for training today.

After the ever-so URGH training, we had orange party/picnic!

On the way there..

This people all damn bastard sia!

Then while eating..

They were like making me the dumping ground for all the crackers. And they accused me of hogging!

*sad face*

Then Haziq placed the orange that Aishah wanted to eat on my lap and hair. Wtf. Then we passed it around. Hehe.

*Evil grins*

And you know what was worse? They were all bullying me. Good or good?

EMPTY! EMPTY! *points to head*

Aishah’s toes cramped throughout the whole journey home. Funny or funny?

GAHAHA!

And therefore, my stomach hurts from laughing a lot a lot! (:

I hope all 10 will pass. Because I see that true toughness in all of you. Because I see the true strength of leadership quality in you. (:

HAPPY (advance) CHINESE NEW YEAR!
May the year of Ox makes us someone diligent! (:

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Finally.

At approximately 7.20am on Tuesday morning, these things came crashing to the floor. Thankfully, I was still sitting at home doing homework. The even better thing, it came crashing when Dad already went into the lift and the door was already closed. Good or what? (:

After what seems to be a very long time, we finally played The ball game again. Very happy you know!

But before we actually played the real game, we played the anyhow-version-of-volleyball and anyhow-version-of-frisbee.

Look how very organised and expert we people are.

The more the merrier you see. (:

So in the end, we played against Firdaus, Naufal, Faris and Haikal. We as in Kelvin, Shi Hui, Aishah, Haziq, Jeremy, Fabian and I. The so-called seniors versus juniors game.

After God-knows-how-long of game, we stopped with a score of 3-2. Which obviously conquered by the juniors. Hmph. Never mind, we were just giving them chances. (:

The game reminded me of us when we use to play against Henry, Chea Hau, Wee Yeong and whoever else. ):

“Play high play high!”

*Plays bloody high till it was impossible for us short sec2s to reach.*

Memories lah.

We then rested at room and played the don’t-laugh-or-smile-else-you’ll-lose game. Screw Firdaus and Faris for making me laugh like mad! (:

Oh wells, I’ll be very orangey tomorrow. You’ll know why soon. Just the NCOs and those whom I’ve promised.

Alright, I shall now do more stuff that I’m preparing for 2+ months time. (:

Hehe.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

Seems like a mile or two.

*Smacks head*

I went for public duty today and had the shock of my life. Spent my day at Northland Sec helping Nad with 2 AMaths questions! We couldn’t believe that we could actually solve it. Hehe. And she freaked out on the bus. Oh God. (:

The coaches there were shouting things to encourage their own playing teams. I heard one of them shouting, “Be strong on your launch.”

Which to me, applies to my studies. My launch is my effort on my academics.

This therefore brings me to Mr Chong’s words. Urghhh!

2 weeks is a freaking short period to think of something that might change my life, majorly. Haiyer.

Tomorrow is Wednesday. Like oh my God! I have lots of homework due tomorrow and here I am complaining. Good or what?

I feel so fucking lethargic just now in the morning and I thought I would be down with fever. What’s worse, my throat was hurting from all the cough and I looked like a Rudolph. ): But thankfully, I DIDN’T FELL ILL!

Apple, here I come! Haha.

Okeh, I should get going and do my homework. I can die if I were to skip any homework. I will not take chances to see the Mrs Principal. No thanks. (:

Sweet Love

Toodles

I think with all my heart.

“To lose a heart means not that it will be lost forever,
But the right one must find it and take it back home.”

Sat with Mr Chong during lunch break and he has officially given me 2 weeks to think through if I want to drop Biology or not. He asked if I could cope with my Combined Phy/Chem or not.

So much for the New Year resolution huh. I can’t and have yet to get my thinking sorted out. I’m so totally not going to have a good night sleep.

On a much brighter side of studies, I have yet to do my homework. Alright, that is like the duller side of academics. But seriously, the sight of those oh-so-fcuking difficult Maths questions, I’m so not motivated to do my work.

I’m not delaying my work as what some people might see it to be. I just can’t solve those questions and I have to squeeze my brain juice all the time in order for me to get a starting step. Do you know how difficult that is? Of course not.

You know why?

Because you don’t have my brain. Our IQ level differs you see.

So how was school for me today?

As it has always been, super fun yet super tiring. AMaths was already squeezing and almost cutting my brain just to get the brain juices out. ):

Life is like a boat on the water. Either you’ll be safe or you’ll be drown forever.

PE was like so fun. For the first time in my whole almost-16 years of life, I’ve never reached 8 for pull-up, what more 5. Hehe. But I’m happy that I did it! (: Mr Kheng made us girls run with the help of our own luck. Haziqah was cursing me because I kept winning. Hehehek. (:

EMaths was a hair-pulling experience.

By the time it was CE lesson, my body was totally knocked out I don’t even know if I could survive the day. MT was practically a time for snoring and coming up with nonsensical English to Malay translation.

Alright, I should start with Physics now. Wouldn’t want to be left behind.

Again.

Sweet Love

Toodles.

I will remember you.

I realise that I have been lacking of updates as the days get closer  to the end of 2009. No wonder I have been having lots of emotions running in me and I feel so stressed up so easily.

And so I thought I should get myself penning myself down more often than what I have been doing.

So what has been up? I’ve been rushing lots of homework, especially AMaths. When I say rushing, I meant really am into my work. Woah.

Dad said he’ll change my phone soon. I don’t know how soon. But it’s hard to believe others’ words nowadays. It’s like, I’ve been getting lots of empty promises. I don’t even know if I can say “I believe in your promises,” anymore.

I flipped through my phone contacts today. I can’t believe there’s so many nick names in there that I didn’t even knew existed still. Like for example, Big Bully (ehem). I think it’s a little too lame for that now. Thus, I’ve changed it to ‘Hottest.’

Now infer who I’m referring to.

There’s public duty tomorrow. I don’t know why but I dread missing Malay classes nowadays.

Could it be?
I think I’m driving myself mental!

Anyway, I’m so off for bed. I mean sleep and not bed.

Sweet Love

Toodles.