I can't put my feelings to words.
For everything I try to tell, it hurts so badly that all I ever wanted to do is cry.
I know YB will be by my side.
But as they say, only family knows you best.
Despite the many years of living with them, they never knew who my good friends are.
They were never concern.
Whatever I asked is another burden.
Whatever I did is another bad action.
I am the black sheep.
I can never be one of them.
No matter where and when, I'm always left out.
I don't understand why.
This feeling hurts so badly that I'd rather die than continue this misery.
I feel like letting go of every single thing.
Even my precious YB.
I feel like letting go of every single belonging.
And run away like a free soul.
I don't know why I'm still here.
I don't know why I'm still living.
For all that I ever did was to hurt others' feelings.
I'm in need of something.
But I just can't put my fingers to it.
I'm in need of something.
That only I can control it.
If everything that I did hurts you,
than I'm nothing but a fool.
I'm not worried about my studies anymore.
I'm worried about myself.
I'm worried about my friendship.
I'm not worried about my relationship with my family.
For everything that I worry about, they are my precious jade.
I never said a proper goodbye.
Seeing that empty sit made my heart feel down.
All the best in life and sorry for all those attitude that made you feel so hurt.
If I were to die tomorrow, promise me that you'll be this happy no matter what.
YB, I have never had someone as cheerful and friendly as you.
You made me forget my miseries.
You cheered this fool to be a better person.
You have always been my pillar of strength, and I'm scared of losing you.
If you ever get lost, I'll look for you even if it takes my life.
If I ever get worried, I know that one of you are feeling down.
No matter what I do, I have always been a fool for you.
For all that I shared, you weren't even proud of me.
For all that I did, you treat me like a fool.
There's nothing I can do to convince you because you have never had faith in me.
Even if I promise you something, you know that I won't fulfill it. You have never fulfill yours. You taught me wrong. Don't put the blame on me.
I have no faith in myself.
And I'm sorry for that.
I wish I could leave everything and start a fresh piece of life.